Funny cats are on lots of people's minds now days. I mean to tell
you that funny cats are in fact running rampant around the hills
and mole hills, back woods and bayous, Broke Back Mountains and
clear running streams.
Dance, little man, dance!
It's these funny cats that are taking over the planet, I tell you
and they must be stopped! Funny cats with their little smirking
puss faces and their humorous antics like chasing laser spots on
the wall, or chasing tails, climbing curtains or doing little kitty
standup comedy at the Improv or Apollo theatres are ruining this
world for other funny animals that
would like to get a leg up on funny cats.
I mean, sure chimpanzees are humorous with their amusing poo-flinging
antics. Dogs can also be laughable with the butt-sniffing, leg lifting
and face-slobbering kisses. But these animals cannot hold a candle
to funny cats when it comes to all out hilarity.
Laugh like no one is watching.
What other animal poops behind your couch or entertainment center
and lets it ferment for months before you find it? Some say that
funny cats are evil, but I know better. Funny cats are not only
evil, but evil geniuses I tell you.
Who buried Jimmy Hoffa's body? Yes, it was funny cats. And, who
is buried in Grant's tomb? Well, no one knows for sure, but funny
cats are responsible, you can bet your knickers on that.
Who knew that the hacker messing up
your MySpace page was a cat?
And, who put the Ram in the Rama Lama Ding Dong? It was funny cats!
These funny cats are evil I tell you and they must be stopped.
The only want to stop a feline from being a funny cat is to not
laugh when they are chasing a string and flying through the air.
We must not laugh when funny cats are chasing each other with their
backs arched and tails fluffed out.
We must refused to laugh when funny cats are falling off tables,
sitting atop doors or hanging from tree limbs. If we do not laugh
when funny cats are doing their ridiculously cute and mischievous
antics, then they no longer will be funny cats.
I always laugh uncontrollably for
no reason, he he he!
If we continue to give funny cats the power of the laugh, they
will continue to take over the world to the point where we will
one day have funny cats as President, Vice President, advisor to
the secretary to the Homeland Security Czar and even Mayor of Turdtown.
This is not acceptable!
Funny cats must be stopped! They must be herded up and put on reservations
next to our Native American brethren and forced into alcoholism
and putting up gambling casinos. If we do not address funny cats
in this manner there is not telling what evil doing they may instigate
upon the rest of us.
The time to act against funny cats is now. Please sign the petition
below and send it to your local city council person, state representative,
and U. S. Congressperson and Senator.
Dear Important Person,
This is a call to arms against funny cats. We must not let them
take over. If you do not do something about this issue I will not
vote for you in future elections. I'm serious. No, I'm really serious.
I will start an email campaign against you and drive you from office,
unless you hear my plea and take action. I will start nasty rumors
about you that will make it upon CNN and Anderson Cooper's "Keeping
Them Honest" will run a series of stories about you. Would
you like for this to happen? Huh? I think not. So, please put the
funny cats in little kitty reservations next to our Native American
brothers and sisters. Funny cats are evildoers, so please Important
Person, now go out and do the right thing.
Signed ________________ Printed Name _______________________ Date