Funny stuff is not to be tolerated under any circumstances under
penalty of law or at least CSI. Funny stuff must be stopped from
invading our conscious minds and unconscious minds as well.
Hey, I thought we were going to the corner bar to get sloshed.
What are we doing here?
I mean if we let funny stuff run rampant in our conscious minds,
soon they we be unconscious. And, where will this leave us? It will
leave us babbling like a bunch of drunken stumblebums, I tell you.
The moment we let funny stuff into our subconscious, unconscious,
barely conscious and somewhat incoherent subcortical gray matter,
we are in a world of silliness like no other. This must not happen!
What if it does? What if we let funny stuff take control of our
minds? This will mean the end of the world as we know it and I don't
feel fine. What this will mean is that funny stuff will lead to
bizarre thoughts and ideas.
Funny stuff will also lead to mindless stupor and endless hours
of watching daytime TV. Television soaps, Jerry Springer and Cartoon
TV will become our staples. Oh, the humanity.
Deep thoughts and profound meaning scatters when funny stuff comes
to town. Let us not go the way the grinning ninny, nay, let us reverse
this funny stuff that sucks the marrow from our brains and choose
enlightenment, strictness and seriousness instead.
Rocking in one's chair, eating Twinkies, and guffawing to countless
years of reruns of Mayberry RFD must not be tolerated. This funny
stuff cannot be allowed to exist, otherwise we will perish as a
The Boob Tube must be eradicated and extricated from our lives.
Otherwise, funny stuff will find its way into our heads where serious
thought should be. Morning radio zoos and comedy clubs must be banned
from their silliness and frivolity.
CDs and DVDs with humorous content must be burned in open pit fires
to the music of the national anthem played by Cub Scouts on recorders.
If we do not take these drastic measures against funny stuff then
our nation, culture, morals and yes standard of living will deteriorate
into a 4th world nation of grinning idiots, just happy with what
they have and happy to be alive.
My next real estate agent.
We don't want this now do we? No, I say, nay. We are a nation of
serious prosperity and profound wealth. Let us not let funny stuff
erode our values, culture and earning potential on the open market
in relation to those who dig ditches in guano.
So, I say to you, my dear friend, (if I may call you that since
this is our first meeting and we are not on each other's friends
lists), the time to act is now. Let us not taste from the bitter
cup of procrastination. Let us not drink from the well of live and
let live. Let us not sip from the urinal of acceptance. Oh, no!
The time is now to strike a hot iron against funny stuff. The time
is ripe to eradicate funny stuff from our midst. The time is prime
for bullying funny stuff until the authorities order a restraining
order against us and we have to spend a few days in L. A. Jail with
Paris, Nicole and Lindsay.
But, this, my dear friend is the price that we pay for freedom
from funny stuff, from tyranny of funny stuff and from life under
the thumb of funny stuff. And, I for one and willing to give my
life (or at least the life of my half-brother, Ned) for this cause.
Hear me know and believe me later, what I say today is true, without
reproach and from the heart. Now, join me for a moment of silence
to bring this cause against funny stuff into the collective conscious
minds worldwide. Hmnnn