Funny quotes are appreciated by many literary types who love words
and wordplay. Funny quotes are also appreciated by those who just
like plain old humor. There are many funny quotes resources on the
Web with large databases with hundreds of thousands of funny quotes
to search through.
I'm Shakespeare. What are you looking at?
Rather than recreating the wheel, we've decided to sift through
the myriad of funny quotes out there and come up with our own top
20 list of funny quotes. We first thought about coming up with a
top 10 list of funny quotes, but there are just too many good ones
to pass up.
So here is our top 20 list of funny quotes:
||1. If it's sent by ship then it's
a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. - David
2. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marz
3. Don't be so humble - you are not that great.- Golda Meir
4. When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the
one I've never tried before. - Mae West
5. I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a
Democrat! - Will Rogers
6. You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra
7. Coffee isn't my cup of tea. - Samuel Goldwyn
8. I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter
on a technicality. - Bob Hope
9. I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't
true. - Katherine Hepburn
10. A drink a day keeps the shrink away. - Edward Abbey
11. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
- Rodney Dangerfield
12. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
13. And that's the world in a nutshell - an appropriate receptacle.
- Stan Dunn
14. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency
to thank her. - W. C. Fields
15. Black holes are where God divided by zero. - Steven Wright
16. Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant
17. If everything seems under control, you're just not going
fast enough. - Mario Andretti
18. The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about
other people. - Lucille S. Harper
19. I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde
20. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham
This is our list of top 20 funny quotes as gleaned from the annals
of wherever annals are found. If you've cleaned and gleaned some
annals yourself for funny quotes and found a few good ones, send
them in. Who knows, as if we get enough, we may just have to expand
our list of funny quotes.